


Echoes Of The Past

by Nadja_Lee



Category: The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: BAMF Jim Ellison, Friendship, Happy Ending, Hero Jim Ellison, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Military, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Prisoner of War, Supportive Blair Sandburg, Survival, War Veteran Jim Ellison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-07
Updated: 2006-11-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: An old army friend of Jim’s show up and Blair is left puzzled by the two men’s closeness…unless he discovers some painful truths about Jim.
Relationships: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Kudos: 37





	Echoes Of The Past

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to Nancy who kindly offered to beta this even though she’s not into the Sentinel fandom. Thanks so much, lov *hugs*  
> The inspiration for Jim’s army friend, Andy, was drawn from the British actor Sean Bean’s portray of Andy McNab in "Bravo Two Zero”. I highly recommend the book and the movie btw.

# Echoes Of The Past

Jim’s mobile phone broke Blair’s happy chatter and Jim answered it, keeping his eyes on the road.

He had just picked Blair up from the University, where Blair was laying a final hand on the presentation for his new doctorate about the police society, which he was due to defend in a few weeks. After his Sentinel dissertation had gone public, Blair had changed Universities and topics, but as he already had so much information about the police society, he had managed to finish it up within a year’s time. Instead of the offered police badge, Blair had decided for a part time job as a police consultant. His academic pursuits were a part of him and made him who he was, and Jim had understood and had helped pull some strings to get Blair into his new doctorate program.

“Ellison,” Jim said shortly into the phone, and Blair could tell Jim expected it to be his captain, Simon Banks, calling him in though he was off duty because he turned the volume on the phone up so Blair would be able to easily listen in if Jim leaned towards him and held the phone between their ears. Criminals tended not to avoid doing their most hideous crimes simply because Cascade’s best cop several years running had a day off. 

“Good to hear civilian life hasn’t made you soft,” Blair could just barely make out the words from the other end of the phone over the noise of the motor running. The voice was steady with a hint of humour said, obviously referring to Jim’s no nonsense tone but Blair couldn’t recognize it.

At the voice on the other end of the conversation, Jim’s whole face softened into a smile, making Blair have to fight his curiosity and instant feeling of jealousy. He had to repeat in his head that Jim was only his friend…no matter how much he wished he were more. Still, despite himself he fought to listen in on the conversation without making his effects too obvious.

“Andy, good to hear you’re still around causing trouble,” Jim said, the warmth in his voice stronger than the humour.

“As if I don’t know you well enough to know you’ve been keeping tabs on me…on all of us,” Andy said, his voice so mild Blair wasn’t sure he was hearing the words correctly.

“Why the call? Is something wrong?” Jim asked, the pleasure in his voice quickly turning to concern, as if expecting the worst, Blair noted.

“No, no…” The man, Andy Blair reminded himself, dismissed it easily and he could tell from Jim’s more relaxed posture at the words that he couldn’t hear a lie in his voice. But then if the man was from Jim’s army past he might have been trained to be able to lie – even under torture. Blair shuttered at the thought. “I would like to drop by tomorrow, if that’s alright with you, Sir.” The last seemed to have been added out of habit.

“Of course. You're always welcome to drop by. 1300 hours?” The slip back into military language seemed natural; he didn’t even notice Blair’s surprised stare. “See you then.” With that Jim hung up.

“I thought you had to go to work tomorrow?” Blair asked, still trying to fit the puzzle together. He had only been able to hear bits and pieces of Andy’s reply, but he was now convinced the person on the other end of that conversation was an old army friend of Jim’s.

“I’ll use a vacation day,” Jim said with a shrug as if it wasn’t important.

“Okay,” Blair agreed, now very curious as to whom this man was that he could make Jim so easily drop everything he was doing to help. Unless he had an emergency situation, Jim would be hesitant to take a day off; the drive of the man, and the Sentinel within him, to protect his city was too strong to leave his mission callously.

They reached the loft, Jim talking about making a steak for dinner for them while Blair put his books and papers on the sofa table, reminding himself he had to read some of them tonight to practice for his defence.

“So…who’s Andy?” Blair asked when they were eating, curiosity getting the better of him.

“An old army friend,” Jim explained simply, and Blair knew he would get no more information out of the tight-lipped Sentinel.

Keeping secrets was Jim’s speciality, and Blair decided it wasn’t worth arguing about with his friend. Instead, he thought devilishly, he’d see what info this Andy person could give him. Blair would just make sure he happened to be studying at home tomorrow when the man dropped by. Satisfied with his plan, they talked of their day and the recent basketball results. 

* * *

With military precision Andy rang the doorbell at precisely 1300 hours. Blair had told Jim he was studying at home, and had arranged himself with books and papers on the table by the sofa. Pretending to study wasn’t hard; what was hard was keeping his jealous and possessive instincts down when Jim, with a soft smile, opened the door to greet his friend; opening it before Andy’s hand had time to rise for a knock.

“You always had good instincts,” the man said, surprising Blair with his lower class British accent.

He hadn’t been able to hear that from the phone call the day before. The man had barely entered the room before his eyes did a sweep of his surroundings, noticing occupants and escape routes the same way Jim always did. Even today if they were simply entering a mall, Jim’s eyes would instinctively make a mental list of basic survival, flight and fight information. Dismissing Blair as a threat with only a very well hidden hint of curiosity in his eyes when they met the younger man’s, Andy returned his full attention to Jim.

If Blair had been jealous before, he was even more so now. Andy was in tight-fitting civilian clothes. He was a handsome man, a little younger and shorter than Jim, and a little less buff, but still strong and well built. He had green eyes and dark blondish hair cut short in the same military style Jim still kept his in. He had a scar over his right eye but it somehow only made him look more roguishly handsome.

“Andy,” Jim said warmly and easily pulled the man into a bear hug.

While Blair had always known Jim had a strong instinct to show his care for people in touch he hadn’t expected it when it concerned army buddies. Even more surprising was that Andy returned the hug with equal if not more emotion. When the two men broke apart both drifted back to more closed and distanced expressions, and Blair couldn’t help but find this mask of ‘military protocol' fascinating. 

“Want a beer?” Jim asked, already going to get one from the fridge.

“Sure, as long as it’s not that weak piss you people over here call beer,” Andy said and Jim laughed.

“I anticipated that.”

With those words Jim handed Andy a European beer, taking one for himself as well. His eyes found Blair’s and the younger man blushed, aware he had been caught staring. But then he was used to having to hide his desire to stare at his handsome partner, so Jim hopefully wouldn’t think anything of it.

“Andy, this is my friend and roommate, Blair Sandburg. Blair, this is Captain Andy Johnson,” Jim introduced, and Blair rose and went to offer his hand, aware that though Andy had noticed him as soon as he had entered, he had not asked about him and probably wouldn’t, had Jim not offered the information. 

“Nice to meet you, captain,” Blair said politely when they shook hands. Andy’s handshake was as firm and strong as Jim’s.

Andy nodded, “Likewise. Just call me Andy,” the man said when the handshake ended. 

“You’re with the army?” Blair asked curiously, pushing his reading glasses back in place. Andy certainly looked army.

“The SAS,” the man said with pride.

“That’s a British regiment, isn’t it?” Blair asked, trying to recall what little he knew of it. The name only meant something to him because it had showed up in some movies he had seen.

Andy nodded as Jim added, as if sharing a private but proud moment, “Who dares, wins[1].”

Andy smiled at the words. “So, what are you doing in the States?” Jim asked, leaving Blair to wonder about what Jim’s words had meant. With a hand Jim indicated they should sit, and as they all moved to the sofa he turned to Blair and asked, “You want a beer?”

“Sure. I’ll take a domestic one.” He wasn’t getting any work done anyway.

Jim turned back to get the beer and added to Andy, “Take a seat.”

Andy nodded and did just that.

  
“Thanks, man,” Blair said when Jim gave him the beer and they all sat on the sofa, the table with all Blair’s books and notes spread out before them.

“I’m here with a VIP and thought I’d look you up,” Andy said, his reply easy and casual, maybe too casual.

“That’s half of it,” Jim said, simply stating a fact.

Andy nodded. “I knew you’d catch on quick.” He paused before he asked, his eyes sweeping from Blair to Jim, “Did you have a new SSBI[2] done to keep your clearance?”

Jim’s posture became straighter, his eyes intent, betraying no emotion as he worded his reply carefully, “Yes. I have a TS[3] clearance but only in relevance to certain areas.” His eyes hadn’t even gone to Blair as he spoke, but Blair knew Jim could hear his heightened heart rate and blood pressure, and would guess he was confused as to what was going on.

“Also for Britain?”

Jim nodded, “I signed the OSA[4] before I went on loan to you guys,” he said, a small smile breaking the serious mood. “I had a CTC[5] done which still holds.”

“That’ll do,” Andy said with satisfaction, betraying to Blair that he wanted to share either past or ongoing secret strategies – probably of British origin.

Andy’s eyes went to Blair again and said with a smile on his lips, “Don’t suppose you have one as well, kid?”

Blair was too confused to feel offended by the kid comment and he could also tell that Andy meant no disrespect, probably the reverse, so he just let it slide. He shook his head, not even sure what in the world they were talking about, having gotten completely lost in the alphabet soup long ago. Man, this was way over his head.

“I’ll…go read or something and let you two catch up,” Blair said as he gathered his books and papers. He went to his room, closing the door, and turned on the music.

“Sir, are you sure he won’t listen in?” Blair could hear Andy say over the beat of the music.

“I trust him with my life,” Jim simply said, and his words warmed Blair's heart. “Don’t worry…I'll know if we aren't talking in complete confidence,” he added, and his voice faded away.

Blair guessed they had moved to the kitchen, and also knew Jim would be able to tell with his senses whether or not he or anyone else for that matter was listening in. What surprised him was that Andy seemed more than willing to take Jim on his word. He knew of the bond between soldiers, but was still puzzled about what had earned Jim such faith. More than anything he was puzzled as to what connection Jim had with a British officer. And why was he talking to Jim as if he had been his commander? Jim had told him that his rank had been captain. The two men should have equal rank…if not, Andy must have been promoted later than Jim.

Blair had to force himself not to think about the situation though his curiosity was driving him mad - curiosity and a bit of anger that he hadn’t known this about Jim. Come to think of it, he knew little about Jim’s life before he had entered it. Hell, he hadn’t even known Jim had a brother or that his father was still alive before they by accident had run into both during crime investigations. Frustrated, Blair tried to concentrate on something positive instead by reminding himself how much he wanted his PhD and how long and hard he had worked for it. With that in mind Blair managed to disappear into his books. He forgot all sense of time before someone knocked on his door.

“Kid, you can come out now,” Andy’s voice was loud but friendly, trying to be heard over the music.

With a shake to get back to reality, Blair turned the music almost all the way down and exited his room. He looked around to spot Jim but couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Where’s Jim?”

He had a moment of panic that the Brit had done something to him, and the one persistent thought running through his head was that now he would never be able to tell Jim how much he loved him…had always loved him.

“The major should be back momentarily. He just had some…errands to run,” Andy explained, laying a comforting hand on Blair’s shoulder.

Andy’s smile returned as he spoke, and Blair couldn’t help but think the man had a nice smile. His manners were like Jim’s in many ways and Blair’s heart sank, wondering if not this was more the kind of man Jim would fancy if he even swung that way, which so far Blair had no reason to believe.

“He told me to take care of you till he returned,” Andy said, as if that explained why he had called him into the living room, which in a way it did.

Andy sat on the sofa and Blair realised he had taken Jim’s words seriously: he was going to literally watch Blair till Jim returned, ready to defend him in any way if need be. Blair sighed wordlessly but by now he was used to Jim’s protective instincts and secretly found them endearing as they told him Jim had to care deeply for him. He picked up the beer he had left a few hours earlier.

“So…when did you two meet?” Blair asked curiously, taking a swig of his beer, thinking they could just as well pass the time pleasantly.

“The major was on loan to us from the US Army Rangers for a mission,” the Brit explained, his reply short but not unfriendly.

“To you?”

“The SAS.” At Blair’s lack of recognition, he elaborated, “Special Air Services - a part of Britain’s Special Forces.”

“Oh.” Blair was silent for a while before he had to ask another question, suddenly reminded of his mother’s words that one day his curiosity would be his downfall, “I believed his rank was captain.”

“He was named major for the duration of our mission by the British army,” Andy explained but his eyes clearly said he wasn’t at liberty to tell any more details in that regard.

“You seem to be very close.” Blair couldn’t keep a hint of jealousy out of his voice. Damn it but only he was supposed to be that close with Jim. He might never have the older man as a lover, but at least he had thought he was special in his heart none the less.

“That tends to happen when someone saves your life…and the life of your men,” Andy said, his voice now warm but a look of darkness was in his eyes and face, as if remembering something unpleasant.

A sudden noise at the door made Andy rise to his feet, his action making Blair rise as well. With a hand movement Andy indicated Blair should stay put and behind him. His stance became strong and his hands at his side formed fists. Blair recognised the signs, had seem it enough times on Jim to know the man was prepared to act should the noise reveal a threat. 

“Jim!” Blair said happily when he saw the older man enter the loft. Andy relaxed and Jim cast a wide smile at Blair.

“Hi Chief.”

Jim’s eyes turned more serious but still warm when they settled on Andy. “It’s been taken care of.”

Andy nodded and went to him, Blair remaining by the sofa to give them privacy. “Thank you.”

Jim shrugged. “Think nothing of it.”

Andy checked his watch. “I have to get going. Make a visit to England soon…the girls would love to see you again…Traicy is under the misguided impression you’ll side with her on my ground rules regarding her boyfriend,” he said with a smile.

“I’ll try. I’ll like to see them again as well,” Jim promised, a smile of his own at the words in his voice. Blair mentally crossed his fingers and hoped they were referring to Andy’s wife and daughter, or daughters. “However, Blair would be able to tell you that my own house rules are still in effect, so you’ll have to tell Traicy the best I can do would be to broker a truce,” he teased.

If Blair thought Jim was protective of him, it suddenly dawned on him that, given Andy's sense of protection when just asked to watch someone, it was probably nothing compared to how Andy would be when his daughter had brought home a boyfriend. He wondered how Jim would react if he had a family some day and the thought made him smile warmly, wishing against all logic that he one day would be able to have Jim and a family with him at the same time.

Andy gave Jim a warm embrace, no hesitation in the action, and Jim wholeheartedly returned it. When they drew back Blair could hear Andy’s soft words.

“I need no details but…are you happy?”

There was real concern in his voice and Blair had to admit that he liked Andy now – if for no other reason than because he seemed to care for Jim so much.

Jim's eyes found Blair’s as he nodded in reply. The warmth in the gaze made Blair’s heart beat faster and his cheeks flush. “Yes.”

Andy nodded with a smile. “Good.”

With that he stepped to the door but before turning to leave he saluted, standing at attention.

“Major,” he said formally.

Jim’s whole posture changed to fit the salute and he returned it in kind. “Captain.”

Andy relaxed once more, and with one last look at Jim, his eyes warm, he left, closing the door behind him.

The silence that remained was deafening. Jim raised his eyes to look at Blair and gave him a somewhat tired smile. “I guess I owe you an explanation.”

Blair fought down his curiosity, anger and jealousy and said softly, “Only if you want to.”

“I don’t…but I think I have to,” he replied simply as he sat down on the sofa, Blair seating himself beside him.

For a while neither spoke, then Jim started speaking, his voice almost too soft for Blair to hear him.

“I can't tell you much. A lot of what I've done is classified.” He took a deep breath before he went on, “I had made a good reputation for myself in the Rangers, and when a mission came up where they needed American evolvement to make it a joint UK-US mission, I was asked to go.” He paused and Blair could tell he was trying to decide which parts of the mission he could tell without breaking the oath he had taken. “Our mission was an information gathering mission in the middle eastern area,” he said carefully and then paused, his expression becoming so hard and cold Blair had to remind himself this was his friend and the man he secretly loved so he wouldn’t draw back from the dangerous attitude that had fallen over Jim. This man who now sat beside him, Blair could easily see as an Army Ranger and covert ops military officer…this 'Jim' he could believe capable of killing a human being in twelve different ways with his bare hands and still make it look like an accident.

“What happened?” Blair asked quietly.

“The mission didn’t go as planned,” Jim said, his voice dead and emotionless as if he wasn’t talking about himself.

“You were wounded,” Blair guessed, his voice and face showing his sorrow at such pain befalling his Sentinel, and he suddenly had the urge to hug him close and never let go, and had to force himself not to act on the instinct.

“Worse,” Jim grunted. “I lost several men and…” he paused and then rephrased was he was first going to say, his emotions still hidden behind a well-trained military mask of ‘name, rank and serial number’. “Let’s just say it took some months before the unit, what was left of it,” he added with a hint of bitterness, “made it back to friendly territory.”

Blair took a sharp breath as he realized what this meant. “You were captured.” The words, saying them out loud, made it seem more real. He knew enough about the Middle East to know being captured while on a covert military mission in one of those countries would mean two things; their own government would dissonance them and their captors would use any means necessary to break them.

“You’d be surprised at the inventiveness of some people,” Jim said darkly, his stare seemingly far away. He smiled but it was a cruel smile. “I was, and I've seen a lot in my time.” He paused and added so softly Blair barely heard him, “Amazing what you can do without leaving any permanent bruises.”

“Dear God,” Blair mumbled, shocked at what he was hearing, or maybe more by the images of what Jim wasn’t saying being conjured up by his mind.

He knew enough to imagine the torture one could be subjected to without leaving permanent marks; regular beatings, deprivation of food and water, humiliating and other forced positions for various length of time, pulling out teeth without anaesthetics, hitting prisoners with books, tying them with silk or other strong but soft materials, using various electric and water torture tactics were just a few of them. The water part might even further explain Jim’s fear of water besides the Sentinel’s Spirit Guide’s natural distaste for it. To his horror, the more he thought about it the more images came to his mind…even rape could be done without leaving permanent marks. Suddenly he wished he wasn’t so much into fighting for human rights, for it also meant he knew just how cruel the human nature could be. Without thinking of the consequences, just wanting to ease the pain in Jim’s tight body and empty but firm stare, wanting him to feel he didn’t have to be so strong, to carry it all alone, Blair’s fingers found Jim’s hand and squeezed.

Jim looked at their joined hands for a moment before he said softly, his eyes still on their intertwined fingers. “I would hold Andy’s hand like this when we were alone in the dark. We were handcuffed but our fingers could still reach,” his voice was soft, filled with a million things he wasn’t saying.

“Jim…” A lump in his throat and tears falling unnoticed from his eyes, Blair couldn’t hold back any longer and he threw his arms around Jim, hugging him close. He felt Jim’s hesitant embrace, but soon his arms tightened around his Guide.

“I was strong for them, Chief,” he whispered into Blair's hair, his words muffled. “I was their superior officer. I had to be.” Blair could hear from his breathing that he was crying. Not wanting to disturb the moment or make Jim feel embarrassed, Blair maintained a strong hold on him, feeling a wave of protective and possessiveness hit him, and he wondered briefly if Jim’s feelings when he was in ‘Blessed Protector’ mode towards him were something similar to this.

“It’ll be alright,” Blair murmured softly and the gentleness of his voice made the Sentinel relax a little as it always did.

“I promised them I would get them home. I made them believe it,” Jim mumbled softly. “I broke that promise.” His voice was full of guilt and pain at the admission.

Blair drew back a little, and when they were eye to eye, Jim regained more control, his face and eyes less open and vulnerable.

“You got Andy out.”

  
Jim shook his head. “Out of twenty men, I escaped with four.”

“You did all you could,” Blair insisted, and his hand again found Jim’s and he squeezed it to amplify his point. At Jim’s stubborn look, he added more insistently, “You did all you could.”

Blair sat back down beside Jim but the Sentinel didn’t break the hold on their intertwined fingers and Blair enjoyed the feeling too much to even try and withdraw.

“Maybe we should make some dinner,” Jim suggested softly, obviously wanting to get rid of the dark memories that had settled over him. With a smile of thanks, Jim left to go to the bathroom, to regain his composure, Blair assumed.

Blair fought to get his thoughts under control. A lot of things made sense now. He had always thought Jim’s obsession with cleaning had been due to his Sentinel sensitivity as well as army training, but now he wondered if some of it wasn’t because uncleanness reminded him of his captivity. He now also understood the bond between Andy and Jim, and their ease with touch when once, touching each other, even if it was just a few fingers they could touch, had been all the support they had had.

Trying to regain his own balance, Blair began making dinner, choosing to make one of Jim’s favourites. He had always known deep inside that Jim, being who he was, would most likely have had to have killed people during his military days, and he had also known there might have been other more unpleasant aspects to his former career, though he had never wished to think about it. Today he hadn’t been able not to.

When Jim returned from the bathroom, he looked much better and more in control. He smiled when he saw Blair prepare the food, and went to stand beside him. For a moment Blair thought Jim had made a move as if to embrace him from behind, but dismissed the idea; it must be his own wishful thinking, he reasoned.

“Will Andy come by again tomorrow?” Blair asked while he worked on the food, finding that he no longer would be opposed to it. If there were love between Jim and Andy, he would step aside for them if only to make Jim happy.

Jim shook his head. “His VIP will be leaving tomorrow.” At Blair’s questioning look he explained, “Someone he’s protecting.”

“Aha,” Blair nodded understanding while Jim started on making a salad. “What did you help him with, or can’t you tell?”

“I can’t give details,” Jim admitted, but then chose to elaborate, “You never really leave the army when you’ve been in covert ops missions. I’m from time to time unofficially asked for an opinion in relevance to how to strategically carry out various…orders. My security clearances, depending on which of them we’re talking about, last for a duration of some years before they have to be reinstated. Andy asked me for some suggestions and I gave them to him, as well as…pulled some strings to get my suggestions and views through,” Jim explained, the protectiveness in his gaze familiar to Blair, and the younger man knew that even now Jim felt responsible for Andy and would do whatever he could to make sure the man was safe…or at least as safe as an SAS officer could be. “Mostly I’m contacted in person, when I’m alone somewhere or over a secure line, with a date and time for being contacted later with details so I can find privacy before I debate the issue presented to me.”

Blair nodded, having come to somewhat of the same conclusion.

“You okay with all this, Chief?” Jim asked him worriedly, his hand coming up to lie comfortingly on Blair's shoulder.

“I will be. I just need to process it,” Blair said, and smiled to disarm any tension Jim might fear was between them.

“Good,” Jim said with a relieved smile of his own.

“You know…those security clearances….they wouldn’t include you knowing who really killed JFK?” Blair asked, lightening the mood.

Jim laughed and Blair smiled, happy for the better atmosphere. They both needed it after the emotionally heavy afternoon.

“Sorry, Chief. Most of my security clearances are solely related to military operations.”

A comfortable silence settled over them as they sat down to eat, but suddenly Blair had to know. Without thinking he reached across the table and took hold of Jim’s hand.

“Did you ever…process what happened?”

Jim nodded, his eyes locked with a look of wonderment on their linked hands. “We all had to see a counsellor. We were off duty for almost three months after we came back, and were only allowed back on active duty after a thorough psych evaluation.” He paused as he added, his eyes dark as his fingers tightened on Blair’s hand, “It doesn’t mean any of us have forgotten or ever will. Some things stay with you forever. But at least it’s not something that reoccurs in my dreams every night. Not any longer, anyway.”

“I’m…” Blair wasn’t sure what to say. His heart ached for Jim and he wanted to say he was sorry it ever happened, yet glad he was better…and that he was decidedly angry with the people who had hurt him, who had abandoned him…who had disowned him so callously…who had exposed him to danger in the first place.

“Come here,” Jim’s voice was soft, his tone warm, but the hint of command in it was undeniable as he moved his chair back from the table.

Torn from his inner emotional conflict, Blair readily did as asked and went to stand beside Jim’s chair, not sure what was going on. Jim rose and touched his face as softly and tenderly as if Blair was made of glass, making Blair close his eyes quickly, afraid Jim would see the longing, love and want in them if he kept them open.

“Open your eyes, Chief,” Jim said softly, and when Blair did the look of pure love and warmth in Jim’s eyes and face almost blew him away. “I want you to see this,” he said softly as he bent down and his lips claimed the younger man’s.

Acting on instinct, Blair put his arms around Jim’s neck and pressed closer, deepening the kiss. When both were breathless Jim pulled apart, smiling widely.

“I hope this means what I think it does, because I don’t think I could handle it if it doesn't,” Blair mumbled, a smile to match Jim’s on his lips.

“I love you,” Jim simply said, and Blair felt himself radiate with joy.

“Man, I can’t tell how long I’ve waited to hear you say that,” Blair said, his arms staying around Jim’s neck, his eyes misty with relief and joy. He wasn’t sure he would ever had dared approach the older man, afraid it would have ruined their friendship and he would rather have Jim’s friendship than nothing at all.

“I thought with all your girlfriends you weren't interested, and when I figured out you did look at men, I thought you wouldn't want the commitment I’d ask for,” Jim explained, a worried look in his eyes at the last part, despite the joy his face showed.

“Men?” Blair asked. He had had a few one-night stands but had always been careful not to mention anything or bring them close to Jim, afraid Jim would guess he really loved him and not whoever he was going home with for the night. He knew Jim well enough to know he wouldn’t have minded his bisexuality, but if his love had been unreturned it could have created problems, which was why Blair had been so careful.

“I smelled them on you,” Jim simply said, an edgy note to the words as his arms tightened around Blair’s waist in a possessive gesture.

Blair kissed Jim, fast and passionately. When he drew back, both where breathless once more. “I never wanted them; I wanted you.”

  
“I’ve wanted you for years,” Jim admitted, stroking Blair's cheek.

Blair smiled widely. “Well, from tonight on I’m all yours.”

Jim’s eyes pierced into him as he asked, “Be careful what you promise me, Sandburg. I’d rather not share any nights with you if I only share one.” The pain yet also strength of the words were clear.

“I’m not sure…” Blair asked confused, not sure what Jim was getting at.

“Blair,” he began, surprising him by using his first name, “I’m a simple man…and an old fashioned one. I want security…I want forever,” he said directly, and Blair looked surprised before he broke into a happy grin.

“Truly?”

Jim nodded. “Yes but with your track record of three weeks being a ‘long term’ relationship…” Jim’s voice died away but Blair’s joy seemed to ease some of his fears.

“They weren’t you,” Blair simply said, knowing Jim could feel, could hear and sense, the truth of his words.

Jim’s eyes turned a deep shade of blue as passion flared again. “What do you say if we go for a late dinner and move directly to the dessert?”

Before Blair could reply Jim’s lips found his again and soon their tongues were everywhere and so were their hands as they tried to move towards the sofa, having quickly given up any idea of reaching Jim’s upstairs bedroom or even Blair’s downstairs one.

“Sounds good to me, Big Guy,” Blair mumbled in between kisses. “Why did you choose to act on your feelings now?” Blair asked breathlessly, his lips nibbling eagerly at his Sentinel’s sensitive skin, enjoying how Jim was purring, almost as if he was a big cat, at every touch.

“Your eyes…your touch….” Jim mumbled, breathless himself as he finally gave into his years' old desire to imprint his sense of touch and taste on his Guide, everywhere he could reach. “It seemed right.”

“About…time…too,” Blair mumbled, his tone of voice including both of them in the statement.

Much later that night, after having reheated their dinner, Blair lay with his head on Jim’s chest in Jim’s upstairs bedroom, Jim having a protective arm around his Guide. They were both minutes from falling asleep, both feeling happy and relaxed, when Jim’s voice broke the happy silence, soft and warm.

“We should take Andy up on his offer to visit with him and his family in England,” he mumbled.

“Sure,” Blair said sleepily, not opening his eyes but tightening his grip on the larger man.

“Same sex marriage is allowed there,” Jim mumbled softly and Blair smiled in the dark, the movement of his face muscles against his naked chest making Jim's chest rumble with a chuckle as he felt the reaction.

“Sounds good,” Blair agreed warmly. “Sounds good.”

  
“Love you, Chief,” Jim said softly, and kissed the top of Blair's head. It wasn't long before Blair heard the steady sound of Jim's heartbeat slow slightly as he fell asleep.

“Love you too,” Blair mumbled happily, also falling asleep, feeling happier than he had ever felt in his life.

_The End_

[1] Official motto for the British SAS

[2] Single Scope Background Investigation

[3] Top Secret

[4] Official Secrets Act

[5] Counter-Terrorist Check


End file.
